How to handle situations where a pastor shuts down our attempt to help educate an unsaved friend

Q: I’m so disappointed with what happened between our Pastor, a friend of mine and my husband.

This friend is unchurched and recently visted ours. He sent a group text to the Pastor & my husband, asking to meetup. He said he wanted to sit down and discuss the bible. This is his second time asking (no response the first time). So I guess that’s why he included my husband on the text. 

Well the Pastor text back asking our friend if believes in Jesus’s deity. He answered "yes but he doesn’t believe in trinity". He said he thought it would be easier if he could sit down and discuss in person rather than text though.

The Pastor replied, "we don’t serve the same God, you worship a god you’ve created in your mind". That was it. 👀

I’m honestly shocked and disappointed that the Pastor wouldn’t have taken the opportunity to evangelize. I think he could have invited our friend to meet with him and the other Pastors of the church to discuss. If he truly believes our friend is in error, then he should show him through scripture and godly counsel. 

I’m there at church every Sunday and Wednesday and get together with this family often. So this truly puts my husband and I in such a akward position between them. 

I’m prayerfully considering how we respond at this point. Advice?

A: This will definitely be a blessing in disguise regardless of what happened before. Good lessons learned so you can deal with such things better next time, and same with the unsaved friend. 

There are many in pastoral positions that don't belong there. There are many false churches with wolves in leadership, and there are biblical churches with weak pastors who are either uneducated in Scripture, or young & dont know how to handle certian things yet. Or he was burned out and made a sin mistake in his response, that may cause the guy to turn away from Christianity. Not sure where the pastor falls on this spectrum. God does.

I'm also not sure if the guy had convos with the pastor before the abrupt statement, like called to talk; you might know or find out. If they discussed it prior and the guy was pushing back, after getting educated on the truth shown to him in Scripture, the pastor may have decided not to continue as it would "cast pearls before swine". But it sounds like it's literally their first communication.

In general, a pastor should grasp and know well the "essentials". A topic like the trinity is an essential. And should have a Gospel minded heart that displays "patience" and love for the lost. Wanting to educate and get to the Gospel. 

Upon first convo, to flat out shut him down instead of help educate & lead to truth, is wrong. It shows somethings off with that pastor. I am aware there are folk in small towns with nothing even an hour away to go to for a church, but if that's not your case, you should with your husband go meet and discuss this error behavior, and if he isn't repentant, if he shows no love for the lost, bring it to the other pastors [its possibly fortunate you have a plurality of elders- if it actually is a biblical church]. If they dont correct him and he doesnt repent, [and possibly, if warranted, they dont remove him from his position],... seriously consider moving to a biblical church that actually has love in their hearts towards the lost (and if possible one that also has an evangelistic focus on congregants fulfilling the Great Commission, thats also a biblical one). When bringing it up to another pastor there, go to the one you feel would really handle this rightly and well, to fix it. And to bring reconciliation between you and him. See if that other pastor would be willing to meet up to help the unchurched friend on the topic. 

If you were in a church with only one pastor, I would try to go to the pastor as noted, to correct the matter and reconcile, or move on to another church if hes not responding godly and lovingly, and self correcting on thev matter. 

Also this issue brings up another point. Believers are all called to know Scripture, and the essentials, to "be an approved workman not ashamed", and to proclaim the truth. We need to be equipped in evangelism and apologetics so we can ourselves answer these topics. Not drop it all on the pastor. 

So to salvage that situation, explain humbly to your friend that you yourself (either new or not) failed to have that knowledge ready "to give an answer" for him, and that it's not the pastors job to do what believers (among those they know who are not Christian), should be sharing, helping, guiding & answeing about Christianity. That you looked into it to be a help to him and found this [xyz]. Trinity resource

I would guide him to this so he can look into it himself. And share the essential basic beliefs of Christianity (explained here) along with the Gospel. The Gospel itself includes the work & power of the triune God. As God is in all of it, and each person of the trinity has given themselves a role in man's redemption. 

In the future, don't rely on text (esp if theres no sort of relationship formed, and def not if its the first contact). It's not personal/ personable, doesn't show tone, and doesn't give off feelings of love, care or concern, like an in person setting does. 

Instead....

1. Ask the pastor if he has a sermon on the trinity that you can study and share when witnessing, and a solid book on the topic fir believers that also really explains it well for unsaved people too. 2. If he does not have a sermon, ask about the book. Read the book, discuss it with the friend after that. If theres still a need for help; A. Find out of theres someone in congregation among the mens group who is well versed in apologetics or has studied the trinity doctrine in depth who can meet at your home with you and the guy. B.Request a in person meeting with pastor to discuss xyz to get guidance on how to explain the trinity, noting you have read the book xyz on it. Schedule it when pastor has time, or over dinner at your home. So it's more casual and he gets passionate about it. Then 1. If you have enough info to do it alone then meet up w the unsaved friend. 2. If you think it might work to have your friend on standby to possibly come over after dinner, for dessert and chat, ask the Pastor if you could call guy over to join us at desssert to lightly discuss, with husband taking the lead and pastor helping out where needed. Pastor might even take over snd do most of the work if he gets positively passionate when the guy arrives. 🙏 Pray while the guys on his way, but also before all the above situations in advance of whichever path it goes down. 

Be strategic in how you go about these things. Its always good [if possible] too, to have someone else from the church [mature in the fauth, and can helo speak on the topic] come over, cuz you can complimentarilly tag team, and guy can hear from someone else whose not you (too close in friendship). Have a agreed on game plan and policy for that meeting with the other believer(s), and prayer before and after too. 😊

I hope God draws your friend to truth and that he embraces it. He may have grew up in a oneness cult or in a modalism false church or a world religion (or hold a general thought) where God is only understood as one person... and just needs a bit of guidance to get him to see/embrace it as truth. And with seeds planted be one step closer to salvation.  ✝️

Go through the trinity material yourself, & meet up at your home with the guy to go through it together with your husband leading it. You can listen and pray while they talk. While Priscilla and Aquila educated Apollos, it may be wise (as a woman) to let your husband lead this. Later on when your both equipped well, you can also comoliment as a team, just grow in self control so you don't try to take over convos, but are more of a help meet, that he relies on to add to the convo at times. Prayer is powerful too. 😊🙏

*But when your only among women out evangelizing or in women studies where a man isn't leading or there, def God will use you to reach the lost and educate or correct error a believer had. 👍⭐️

Welcome to apologetics. 🙂

To help you get equipped for the top 12 to 300 faq of the unsaved on Christianity, to know the Essentials well, and to be able to share the Gospel well, this can further help bless you on that journey. 

Ps. If it turns out your pastor shouldn't be shepherding a church, and you leave to a new and proper one, do also update your unsaved unchurched friend that you left, and are at a good church now. Note that his questions helped reveal a problem at that church, which ended up blessing you buy also educating him about the truth of weak, bad and false preachers out there, and our need to be vigilant to not end up in one of those wrong churches. *Such a convo w him will be eye opening, educate, possibly help you grow closer, and him be more inclined to listen to what you all say, realizing you do have genuine care of his soul in mind. ✨️

Again, this situation is a blessing in disguise as it lead you to go get equipped for sharing Christianity well... & for the rest of your lives ❤️✝️

God bless