How can I reach bff who left church & Faith, gave works late excuses

Q: My best friend started working overnight shifts a couple months ago (11 PM–7 AM), and ever since, she hasn’t been the same. She’s distant, irritable, and lashes out over small things. Everyone’s noticed the change. She’s told everyone she’s no longer a Christian and doesn’t believe in God. She stopped attending church functions "because she’s now working evenings and sleeps during the day." 

Today she told me she needs a break from our friendship because she’s overwhelmed with work and needs the weekend to herself. She even said she’s unsure about continuing our friendship at all.

I’m really hurt and confused—we’ve been close for years, and I feel like I’m losing her to this job. But not sure the job is through issue. How to dealt with something like this? How do you support a friend who’s shutting you out?

A: Church has a 830am service, so she could go, and theres 630pm too, so she'd be awake by 3pm and could go. So shes probably made her job or money an idol, and has placed her affections in the wrong place. She's not seeking God, to guide her, to walk with Him, & to help her live in this fallen world. 

By her prioritizing a job over God and being among believers who gather together to glorify, worship, serve Him and others, get guidance, counsrl and more understanding of the Revealed Word in studies... shes neglected God and chose a self seeking pursuit, where God isnt going to bless her. She's not seeking God's Will in life but her own. And her own wisdom from within a wicked heart (as Scripture warns on). Otherwise she would be getting pastoral counsel, be reading through Word snd trying to go the way God wants her too.

Is there anything wrong with a late job? Not totally. Soldiers work shifts, fire fighters, police, medical, paramedics, ER at Hospitals, etc. Is she single? Is she not pursuing finding a godly husband? Is she married and only focusing in money and not trusting God to provide? Is she not trying to find daytime work? There's loads of things to probe. More than likely she chose self and sin over God. 

But we can take a educated guess why she stopped going to church, and walked away from the Faith. But if you can address those things, she might come to saving Faith. Just pick the right time to do it, but soon.

Ways you can try to engage her purposely and probe, and give her answers. Tell her you want to take her out for breakfast, or dinner tomorrow, your treat. Dinner should start 2.5 hrs b4 her shift [cuz u need time to talk]. And talk there. 

Another idea is to take her out shopping & for a bite. Tell her you miss the good ol days when everyone had a fun time at the mall. Tell her you want to Buy her a dress (with a cost cap like $50 [to bless her]).

Plan to talk there. Pray before you go meet her. Start w window browsing at a few places you know she likely won't buy anything at. It gives you one to 2 stores to quietly browse, and have light chit chat....then go grab a snack, sit and talk, start talking from there onwards. Have a plan. See below ideas. 

It's most likely that she was never saved by God but came to Jesus for a false wrong reason. An example is the false health & wealth prosperity gospel that basically teaches God us a genie who grants all your wishes. Its idolatry and a false god those folk serve. So of course they'd throw him away once it's proved untrue. Yet they think that's Christianity. Idk if you could lump them into the Soils Parable cuz they never heard thr true Gospel to begin with, thus never knew about the true God and true Jesus. Of course they'd come to know Him if they read the Bible. But only 3% of professing believers read the Bible daily and 34% read it sometimes, which of course is no help to them, cuz they're illiterate to all whats in it. 

The normal things that folk have confusion over and never get answers about, [though tbvh if they wanted to know they'dve asked the Pastor or their Sunday School teacher her or even their Women's study leader]. These are basics and some things we learn in discipleship, which they never seem to go through at church to know, or are not in a biblical church so these are not taught to them:

*Why are we here

*What is my identity 

*What's our purpose 

*Why is there evil

*Why is there suffering, troubles, etc

*Where is God when I am going through hard times 

*Why doesn't God seem to bless me if I believe in Him

*Why does church matter 

*Why cant I understand the Bible 

*Why people die

*Why does it seem there's hypocrisy

There's more, but its usually selfish sinful focused issues of me me me syndrome. Me focused life and mentality vs God focused life, pursuing His Will and becoming more like Christ.

It is definitely a indicator that someone isnt saved, (or at the very least are very weak in the faith and lack discipling). They highly likely were never saved to begin with, and just had a false religion. God never transformed them.

So whether they came for something other than Jesus [by the Gospel], or are just clueless, we can address these issues and help lead them to truth. Many folk had no idea they had no real understanding, and among them are those God had adopted seeds of truth in, and is watering it by your ministering to them, and will get saved. 

So engage her & probe your old friend. 

1 Peter 3:15:

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." 

2 Timothy 4:2:

"Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching."

Colossians 4:5-6:

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."

Luke 21:15

For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. 

Romans 10:14-15:

"How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'

Jude 1:23:

"Save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh."

1 Thessalonians 5:14:

"And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all."

2 Timothy 2:24-26:

"And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will."

Ephesians 6:10-18

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints."

James 5:19-20:

"My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."

Heres faq skeptics have, the questions and objections, we can address w biblical answers. Get familiar with these, *then* call her [when you know she'll be available], and invite her out, your treat, ... to try to reach her. You can always pray with her after too, and let her know you are available to answer any of her questions 

Heres a sample scenario:

Taking a early snack break at food court, where you can talk to her. 

Starting the chat.

Me: Pray briefly out loud, over the food, our outing, thank God also for the chance to meet your friend after so long, and ask God to bless our time together. Amen. 

Start eating, take a sip then start... 

Me: Jane I know you said you stopped going to church because your job hours dont seem to make it possible to go, had you previously considered going at least once a month until it was possible to go every Sunday? 

Her: I was too tired to go after working night shift, and "my belief" is I dont think a Christian has to go to church when I can just live "my Faith", "how I want to". 

Me: I see. I remember you were struggling with the Faith and probably had a lot of questions and curiosities that probably were not getting answered. Lots of life stuff happening. 

You know, I saw something the other day that made Christianity make such sense, that I wanted your thoughts on this [then prop your phone up first her to watch as she eats]. play, NeedGod.com video. 

 

[After she watches it, ask her], Has anyone ever explained the Gospel so clearly like that with you before? 

Her: [Let's her talk, gleen from anything she says, fir later addressing]. 

Me: Was that what you had understood Christianity to be about? Or did you think we come to Jesus...for some other reason? 

Her: [let her respond]. 

Me: Sometimes people think if they come to Jesus, to Christianity, that all their troubles and problems will go away. We are in a Fallen world full of sin, so there will be suffering, problems and hard times, but for those adopted by God through faith in Jesus, by obeying the Gospel, He is with us in this life and has special care over us. So that whatever we encounter, God will walk with us through it, guide us, and have s good outcome or purpose for it that blesses us. That could be to grow our faith, to prune us, to help us conquer a sin like bitterness, anger, disappointment, discontentment, ingratitude, and fix our eyes on God, who has our good in mind. To bring us closer to Him, & to get to know Him better, and help us persevere knowing our best life is in eternity. A sin free blessed place, as it was supposed to be for us, before the Fall in Eden. He even gave us the Bible so we can see how he works things out in varied examples, and the promises he made to us, for us and will achieve which ultimately will bless us. If out eyes are on Him and our focus on Him, then we will be blessed, and have peace & joy here, and rejoice over what's to come. 

I want you to know I am here for you. If you have any prayer requests, or questions or things you don't understand about, I would be happy to help. Anytime. 

Her: I dont understsnd xyz, or I have a problem with abc, [or whatever she says. Even if shes negative. Hopefully it will become a springboard. Your goal is to present facts, lead her back to the Gospel, and call her to embrace truth]. 

Me: "I can definitely answer those questions," [give short summary and send her links by text to address them more fully], "but since you might not want to chat here all day about this, I can summarize it... and send you more on it for you to look through later."

*[Answer the questions. Type up the faq discussion on notes app, to email or text her later links to, while shes busy shopping ...or right when you get home, and send it over to her, right away].

"Does that help clear up any misunderstandings you had or clarified a bit what you didn't know before? "

Her: Yes/No, but still frustrated over life problems. Or xyz

Me: Glad I could be a help to you about some of/this. I would like to though, ask you to think about the Gospel video you saw today, because no one is guaranteed tomorrow, so it is really important to get right with God, right away. Once that's resolved, life will be completely new. You'll have a new perspective, and new desires, and... life really is infinitely better when God us on our side, and with us. 

Her: ok ok I get it, but dont want to talk about it more today. 

Me: sure. I understand. It's a bunch of new information to think about. Feel free to text, call or meet up with me anytime to talk about it more, and any other questions you might have. 

Let's go find that perfect dress for you!

Her: ok. 

===End of the outing===

Ask her if shes ok with you praying over this day together. Then pray out loud. Pray thanking God, & to thank "God the giver of all good gifts, for our time together", And pray asking "God to soften her heart to You, for her to truly be born again, and come to know the wonderful God, Savior and Father that I know and love" and "and prayers for traveling mercies as we head home."  

You can also give her this physical booklet of the top 10 objections to Christianity. 

Most of not all of these are explained in more detail earlier, so if she brought up any of those objections... send her the link in FAQ link earlier above so shes got better clarity on the matter. At least this booklet will help get her thinking. And be open to looking at the info you link to her. 

Be a blessing to your friend. Pray for her, check in in her. Send her holiday and bday greeting cards. Try to meet again in a couple weeks for simply a hang out, and ask her at the end, if she had thought about the Gospel and embracing true Christianity. Ask if she has any other questions you can help her with, and can send that info over to her too. 

Hope this helps. 

God bless.